Monday, February 20, 2006

Weekend of My Discontent

New York's been in a deep freeze since Friday, and the heat in our building went off on Saturday afternoon. Multiple calls to the super, the landlord and the City produced no results until this morning, when the plumber called us and said that the heat was not working only in our apartment, since we were the only ones complaining.

"Nobody else has been complaining because they know nothing is going to be done!"

So the plumber came up to our house, the apartment across the hall, and several upstairs and finally concluded that we weren't delusional or enjoyed sitting in our kitchen in down parkas purely as a fashion statement. He did something downstairs and the heat is ticking merrily away right now, although he said we really needed a boiler repair guy.

Then, in the Great Credenza Saga, the carpenters came on Friday and sawed the bottom of the credenza in the back to compensate for the tilt in the floor. It looked great, and I filled one of the designated drawers with CD's on Saturday night.

Sunday afternoon I noticed that the drawer was slightly open.

"You're supposed to push it back until you feel a little catch," I advised my husband.

"I did." Uh-oh. On a hunch, I walked back and forth in front of the cabinet a few times, and sure enough, the drawer inched open. And to top it off, I started filling the bottom drawer with CD's and when I went to push it closed, the tops of the CD's hit the top of the frame. They'd cut the drawer too shallow! I don't know how the heck they're going to fix this, but I'm sitting here waiting for the manager to come in at two-thirty so I can begin to find out.

Then, I was in Sephora on Saturday trying some new lotions and potions. They had Hylexin, which has been running an ad in all the beauty magazines: "Serious Dark Circles?" featuring a model with football player's stripes under her eyes. A clerk who looked way too young to be concerned about such things gave me a thimble-sized sample--for $95 a tube, I didn't want to find out that Hylexin made my face break out into automatic writing.

I did the patch test thing with a tiny amount on my neck when I went to bed Saturday night and when I found myself unharmed although freezing when I awakened on Sunday morning, tried it under my eyes. It dried my skin, which you really don't want in this weather, and I didn't know whether or not I was supposed to use moisturizer over, under or not at all. But it did shrink the bags under my eyes. Only trouble was, it wore off in the middle of the afternoon. I was in Bed Bath and Beyond when I felt something under my eyes go boi-oi-ing! like a cartoon fat lady taking off her girdle. I found a mirror in the "Beyond" department and Robert Mitchum stared back at me.

So I'm sticking to Neutrogena with Melibiose. I have no idea what Melibiose is, but it begins with the word "Mel." It's almost time to call the furniture store, and then I'll go get the ingredients for some more soup. I'll have pots going on the stove for warmth like a pioneer girl. The next time you think Manhattanites are sophisticated, think again: When the furnace goes out, we're all Caddie Woodlawn.

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