Thursday, May 29, 2008

Substitute My Coke for Gin

I met with a 20-year-old nutritionist the other day who went over all of the things I will never be able to enjoy again if I ever want to fit into my thin pants and not die.

Basically, it's keeping starches, fats and sugars to a minimum and having a lot of chopped vegetables. I'm also working on an exercise plan, although chopping all of these vegetables has certainly been exercise enough.

The eating plan is based on these things called exchanges. This is how you keep track of how much you're eating and whether or not you've gone over your limit for the day. One slice of bread is one starch exchange. I have to have topless sandwiches.

Of course, these are just guidelines for healthy eating. If I view them as being iron-clad restrictions, I will run amok and start shoveling M&M's into my mouth.

The cats seem to be taking a vivid interest in all of my meals. I sit at the table and raise one of my topless sandwiches to my face, only to meet the mackerel-striped nape of Chico or Ashley. This is unprecedented and causes me to wonder just what it was that I was eating before, and if other species know something that I don't.

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