Saturday, December 20, 2008

I Dip Myself in the Mall

I tell myself I'm going to leave before I get stressed, but I forget how quickly that happens. Just like it takes much, much less exposure to the sun than you think before you damage your skin, it only takes so many sales clerks who don't speak English or give you the wrong directions before you're ready to say "The hell with it."

Then I start getting the evil impulse to go up to a sales clerk and ask for the location of something I know, just so she can give the wrong answer and I can say, "Gotcha! No, it's not!" And leave smirking with indignation.

Today I wanted to leave a trail of Cinnabon crumbs between Women's fleece jackets and Petite fleece jackets, just to find my way back and forth between the two. I was actually splitting hairs over fleece.*

The easiest people to shop for are the ones who will accept a gift card. It's a token, right? It's the thought that counts. Although why we can't go one step further and just exchange good old American cash is beyond me. Cash is accepted everywhere stuff is sold.

The hardest people are the ones who say, "Oh, we don't have to exchange gifts, just, you know, a fun little something." Okay, but when does a little something go over the line and become a gift? And what if the other person goes over the line and you're still under the line? And what constitutes a "fun" something? As opposed to what, a sensible, serious something?

Dave Barry's said in his Annual Holiday Gift Guide that women will buy gifts all year round, like two ceramic turtles that say "Best" on one and "Friends" on the other. Men will walk right past the friendship turtles.

Whereas many women (you know who you are) will buy the turtles, not because they know of anybody who needs friendship turtles, but because the turtles are, quote, ''cute.'' Then the woman will start shopping for a cute card to go with the turtles, or maybe several cards, since she's not sure which specific one of her numerous best friends will be getting them. While she's at it she might buy some cute little scented candles that would go with the turtles, and maybe a few other cute things. By the time she leaves the store, she will have as many as eight gifts for people who have yet to be identified. She may have totally forgotten why she went into the store in the first place (to get an extension cord).

By the way, I would love it if somebody got me an extension cord...or a set of A/V cables. Those cables are expensive! Better yet, pay my cable bill for a month.

Meanwhile, I'm going back to the Mall and asking the nearest clerk for the "fun little something" department, just to see what happens.

*This isn't as crazy as it sounds. They make the sleeves on most jackets too long, and who's going to take a ten dollar fleece jacket to the tailor?

I feel your pain, I've had it with the stores this year. I gave up asking sales people for anything years ago, but today found myself asking a guy stocking shelves in the baking aisle where the cream of tarter is. He said he didn't work there. I said "Well you look like you do!" and he pointed me to an actual clerk. By that time I saw it right in front of me on the shelf. All by myself. Then he and the clerk wanted to know what cream of tarter was and what you do with it. I didn't know what to tell them, I was getting this to make soap with, so I told them I was making cupcakes with it to make a long story short.

I can skip the turtle, everyone is getting soaps and candles. I make soap and dabble in candles so less shopping for me. Yeah.

Now if I've forgotten anything for the dinner or whatever else, then that's it. No more stores until after the New Year for me.
Yeah, that's my "until after New Year's" resolution: no more stores!
Post a Comment

<< Home

This page is powered by Blogger. Isn't yours?

nyc bloggers map