brunobaby

The virus infection that turned into a cough started turning into stuffy ears a couple of days ago. Then yesterday I opened my mouth to bite into a cookie and felt a sharp pain in my right jaw and into my ear.

After a few excruciating moments in which I saw God and the Beatles got back together, the pain went away, but came back again with alacrity when I bit into a sandwich this evening. I took a couple of Aleve and then, figuring it was a muscle spasm, I applied some capcaisin cream. Within seconds, the right side of my face turned bright red and swelled up so badly it looked as if I was packing a second chin under my ear.

To the emergency room at St. Vincents I ran, the place where I went a couple of years ago when I was drying my food processor blade and sliced off the end of my fingertip. They must have stories about me.

After about an hour of waiting, I was examined by a resident, who did a double-take when he saw my face. He checked the ears, nose and throat and then concluded that I had an "impingement of the jaw" and an allergic reaction to capcaisin. Prescription: Keep taking Aleve round the clock for the jaw, and don't put creams derived from hot peppers on your face.

"So I don't have an infection or an abscess and I can fly away on vacation?"

"Don't see why not."

I went up to the Discharge desk.

"Bruno."

"Diagnosis?"

"I can fly." Then I cracked myself up, realizing the implication was that not only was I not harboring any infectious diseases, but was now endowed with superpowers.

So I'm out a hundred bucks, but at least I know that the pesky virus has played itself out and the swollen face and aching jaw will run their courses, too. Meanwhile, I'll be taking smaller bites. Very small.