Monday, December 31, 2007
Ready For Its Close-up
Saturday, December 29, 2007
The Single-Bedded Life
Thursday, December 27, 2007
Wednesday, December 26, 2007
Festival of Light
Old Kitchen Ceiling Fixture:
Monday, December 24, 2007
Bluetooth and Green Tree
Wednesday, December 19, 2007
Vacillating Over Oprah's Bra
Tuesday, December 18, 2007
Monday, December 17, 2007
Friday, December 14, 2007
Avert Your Eyes
Instead, his face became instantly vicious and he began to rant at me, "You bitch, you c__t, I'm sick of your attitude you nasty bitch..." I grabbed my bag and headed to an empty seat at the other end of the subway car. People were looking away as if I were the crazy person. I wanted to say "I'm a nice person! Don't listen to him!"
When I got to my stop and began to stand, all of a sudden the guy came from nowhere into my face again and resumed his rant, then ran off the train and up the stairs, knocking people out of his way. I turned to the people around me.
"Uh, did anybody see that?" Again, everybody was like, "Don't look at her; you'll only encourage her."
"Okay, just me then."
I stopped shaking by the time I got upstairs and got my coat off. When I went out at lunchtime, I noticed I was walking on eggshells. That nice lady over there...was she suddenly going to come up in my face and turn vicious? What had I done to provoke this guy? What innocent thing was I going to do that would provoke the next person to attack me?
Best not make eye contact. Then I won't set anyone off.
Thursday, December 13, 2007
Feminism in Oz
I'd only read the first Oz book, so I got a real kick out of the second book in the series, "The Marvelous Land of Oz," wherein the Kingdom is taken over...by an army of women:
As they passed the rows of houses they saw through the open doors that men were sweeping and dusting and washing dishes, while the women sat around in groups, gossiping and laughing.
"What has happened?" the Scarecrow asked a sad-looking man with a bushy beard, who wore an apron and was wheeling a baby-carriage along the sidewalk.
"Why, we've had a revolution, your Majesty as you ought to know very well," replied the man; "and since you went away the women have been running things to suit themselves. I'm glad you have decided to come back and restore order, for doing housework and minding the children is wearing out the strength of every man in the Emerald City."
"Hm!" said the Scarecrow, thoughtfully. "If it is such hard work as you say, how did the women manage it so easily?"
"I really do not know" replied the man, with a deep sigh. "Perhaps the women are made of castiron."
Wednesday, December 12, 2007
Home For Christmas
They also did a lot of actual Hall and Oates songs, which pleased us greatly, since at $75 and up you want to hear "I Can't Go For That," not "Jingle Bells."
At the finale of the show there was a fake snowfall. Then we went outside and there was a real snowfall. How did they do that?
No Word From the Vet Yet
Meanwhile, Ashley is acting just fine, except that every time I look at her she thinks I'm going to put drops in her ears, and she runs somewhere and hides and pees. The house is going to be extremely clean for the holidays, as I play "Find where Ashley peed."
Update 4:25 PM:
The scariest words to hear when you're calling into your voice mail: Your vet saying "I want to go over the results of Ashley's biopsy with you."
So it's twenty minutes later and the tingling is just going away from my hands and the results are: "It's an infection. Keep giving her the antibiotic drops and bring her in for a recheck next week."
Friday, December 07, 2007
Kitty Teeth and Ears
I'm waiting for a call from the vet's office, where I dropped off Ashley this morning for her annual dental work. They're also supposed to clean her ears and remove the (we hope) benign tumor in one of them.
I Google'd "ear tumors in cats" and found out that even malignant tumors in cat ears are usually local and rarely spread to other parts of the body. Also, many ear tumors in cats are actually skin tumors and they appear in the ears of white cats who are exposed to too much sunlight. I remember reading that somewhere when I first got my original cats. My original cats were pure white. They, and my present cats, are indoor-only and my apartment rarely gets any direct sunlight.
Given the darkness of my apartment, the cats would be more likely to sprout mushrooms. So I'm waiting to hear that my cat has sprouted mushrooms.
Thursday, December 06, 2007
We had a tree on Christmas. We hung Barry Manilow from it.
Tuesday, December 04, 2007
I Want to Live on This Houseboat
And you don't have to mow the lawn.
The closest I've come to Operation Santa Claus is when a company I worked for several years ago was sponsoring some first-graders in a public school up in the Bronx. My co-workers and I each were given a letter from a six-year-old, written in block letters in crayon, most with helpful illustrations. Mine was from a boy named Jorge who wanted a Transformer watch. He'd drawn a picture of a stick figure whose wrist and hand were bigger than the rest of his body put together. If this were an accurate self-portrait, the Yankees had better sign this kid immediately.
Off I set on a shopping expedition. Except, the other problem with not having kids is not knowing what kids are into. Even parents of small children have been known to become utterly bewildered when their kid obsesses over the latest must-have. So I'm running into Toys 'R Us, Macy's, K-Mart, every conceivable place that might sell items meant for children, and describing this thing, and showing the clerks the picture, and they would all chuckle and say that they ran out of them sometime in August.
"This is worse than when they discontinue my favorite brassiere!" I thought.
At the eleventh hour, I finally found a place that had a shopworn package...oh yeah, and I threw in some extra batteries, which I'm sure made Jorge's mom very relieved.
I don't know yet if I want to set myself up for this kind of stress this year, although added to my guilt about being "child-free" is also, now, my guilt about not having to care for any other adult except myself. So maybe I'll get a gift for an adult. New York Cares is having their coat drive, and they're especially in need of large men's coats. I thought, "Maybe there's a lot of homeless big fat guys." But the reason they need large is so the wearer can layer other clothes underneath. This makes sense to me, since when I imagine myself being homeless I think about how to cut back on excess luggage.
I've already given away Jim's overcoats, so maybe I'll pick up a down jacket at a discount store and donate it. Down is impervious to the elements and easier to keep clean, and it can double as an igloo if you find yourself without a place to live. Except I keep thinking, what if I get mugged by some crackhead and he's wearing the jacket I donated.
"Yes, officer, he was wearing a navy blue North Face jacket that was on sale for $69.99 at TJ Maxx."
The police precinct around the corner from me always has a canned food drive. I always have canned food. So that's probably going to be the charity that I go with this year. Charity begins at home.
Monday, December 03, 2007
They Made a Movie Out of "Sweeney Todd"
Oh boy, graphic bloody violence and Johnny Depp!